Dear Doctor Love, my name is Jessie and I’m a married woman. I find sex with my husband very uninteresting. Most times, he leaves me in pain whenever we are done with the joke he calls sex. A lot of times, I just wake up to find him inside me in the middle of my sleep. No foreplay, just direct. I have tried to talk to him but he accuses me of having other sex partners, that’s how I knew different sex styles. I feel very humiliated. Even when I manage to be awake, he has no erection. Often, he will just rub saliva on the weak penis and enter me. And I can’t even explain how all of this started. We used to enjoy a very good romance together, that’s why I married him. Now, I am very miserable, Wale, please, help…
My dear Jessica (I’m sure that’s your full name) to be honest with you, yours is not the kind of issue I can treat as a mere relationship issue. It’s much more serious than that. From the look of things, your man has serious problems getting it up, and it has nothing to do with you, trust me. It’s nothing to do with his feelings for you or lack of it, the man is battling with some serious medical issue and he just probably doesn’t know how to open up to you. You have got to help him so he can seek medical assistance. You must look for the appropriate time to bring up the issue with him and let him know that you’re almost certain he’s having problems with his sexual ‘configuration’ and you want him to get medical help fast because this is one problem that’s not just about him alone, it’s about the both of you. A lot of men with the sort of problem your man has are often reluctant to come out openly to discuss their problem because, to them, it batters their ego as a man. But you’ve got to look at him straight in the eye and tell him he’s got to put his ego aside and deal with this ASAP before it’s too late. That’s all the advice I can offer you, dear, please act fast. Good luck.
Hello Wale, I need your advice urgently. I have a guy whom I love dearly, but the problem is that ever since my mum set her eyes on this guy, she has hated him with a passion that frightens me. And when I ask my mother what the problem is with my boyfriend, all she tells me is that her spirit does not agree with his, that he will definitely cause me serious heartbreak. My boyfriend thinks it’s because he’s not from a privileged background cos my folks are quite wealthy. But I don’t mind and I expect my mum to respect my choice and respect my guy, who by the way, is very hardworking, but she’s not doing that. I’m really losing my cool, Wale I don’t know what to do. Please, don’t publish my number.
You didn’t tell me your name and most importantly, you didn’t state your age. But it’s okay. Now, you will have to be careful here how you go about this matter. If you want to do anything at all, it will be to appeal to your mum to give your guy a chance and get to know him better. Let her know the prospects your guy has to be a successful young man, and most importantly, why you’re sure he’s the last person that will break your heart like your mum is worried he’ll do. Do not argue with her or get into a shouting match over your guy’s case, this will only make her more resolute in her resolve to disapprove of him. Talk to your partner too and let him understand that your mum’s attitude has nothing with to do with his status, that she’s only being protective of you, that’s all. If your guy begins to show the right attitude and continues to work hard at elevating himself, your mum might just begin to show him some respect and approve of him. She might also admire his perseverance and steadfastness, realizing that her daughter might never find a better man. Best of luck.
Hello, dear Doctor Love, my name is Agnes. I am twenty-one years old and I am in a relationship with a guy that’s ten years older than me. We have been dating for over a year now, but within that one year, its been a mixture of pain and joy for me. One week, this guy is making me happy, the next few weeks that would follow, he is giving me heartaches. And the major problem is that he is a serial cheater. I have caught him cheating on me several times and all he does is beg for forgiveness afterwards. The last one he did hurt me the most – I just found out he’s been sleeping with one of my friends! And as usual, he is begging for forgiveness again. I love this guy, Wale. Maybe it’s because he’s the one who deflowered me about a year ago, or perhaps it’s something deeper than that, all I know is that I love him to bits. But sadly, he doesn’t feel same way about me, all he knows and wants is sex. What do I do now, Doctor Love? Please, do not publish my number.
Dear Agnes, I feel your pain. Reading through your mail, I could tell its coming from a lady who truly loves her man with all her heart. Sadly, you are loving the wrong kind of man. Lets face it, Agnes, this guy doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings. He is taking advantage of the fact that you’re in love with him. And to make matters worse, he’s a player, that’s something that’s too much for you to handle, considering that you’re still inexperienced when it comes to dealing with men. While you’re staying faithful to him, he’s hopping into bed with any skirt available, even if it’s your friend that’s wearing that skirt. The way I see it, if you have a pretty sister, don’t let her meet your man, otherwise……So, my piece of advice is this, give this guy a break. Stay away from him for some time and let him evaluate your relationship with him and be sure it’s you he wants or he still wants to sample every babe that comes his way. If you ask me, I’d say you simply walk away from the relationship, it’s obvious this guy will give you nothing but emotional pain. But because I know you love him like crazy, I won’t ask you to walk away. Just tell him to give you a break, allow you time to think and access the whole relationship. That way, you can also study him and see if he’s changed and ready to turn a new leaf. Best wishes.