Man with girlfriend while holding hands with another woman
MY FIANCÉE LACKS SKILLS IN BED
I am 30 and the lady I want to marry is 27. My problem is she is not skilful in bed but she is fun to be with. What do I do?
B.P
Lagos
I think you should teach her whatever you expect and if she is a good student, she will learn fast. Sex is not the only reason for getting married to someone; you have to consider her other traits. If you go ahead and marry a woman, who is skilful in bed but with bad character, by the time she is through with you, you will lose interest in sex. First, get a good woman, you will teach her what to do in bed later.
HER FATHER WANTS TO KILL ME
I am in my 20s, dating a girl whose parents don’t like my mother. Recently, some rumour mongers told my mother that the girl’s father said he didn’t want to see me again in his house or with his daughter. That if I did, I would be killed with charm. My mother went to their house; she saw my girlfriend and told her that she did not want to see her with me again. This girl wept bitterly and we went to see a prophet, who settled the matter between the two families. Though my girlfriend’s father cried and denied ever saying such, I am afraid. This girl had even promised not to jilt me or date anyone else.
V.O
Kwara
Even if you are very close to your mother, you have to be careful how you present issues, bordering on relationship to her. I am sure you told her about this rumour and she went ahead to your girlfriend’s house. An elder listens, investigates and weighs consequences of actions before embarking on it. What if the man did not say whatever the rumour mongers said? There is no need being afraid or are there things you have not told me? If it is just about the rumour, I think you should discard that, go to the girl’s parents and personally apologise on your mother’s action. Again, you are lucky to have a girl who loves you and promises to stick on.
HE WANTS TO CANCEL OUR WEDDING
I am dating a guy who kept our marriage on hold just because of what my sister said about him to the other members of the family. We have been together for two years and five months and I have not visited his house but I have been to his mother’s several times and also met his family members, both home and abroad. He is always ready to quit the relationship whenever we have any misunderstanding. Now he wants to call it quit because I honoured a neighbour’s chat date, which I told him about. What should I do? He is saying I don’t have regards for him that is why I honoured those dates. I love him dearly but not to be stupid. What do I do?
B.B
Ibadan
Why should you honour a neighbour’s chat date when you are already dating someone else and even preparing for a wedding? Your fiancé is not mad and there is a reason for his action. If you were in his shoes, you would not have taken it from him, so why do it to him? On the other hand, what kind of sister is yours who wants to ruin her sibling’s joy? I am sure she got the news from you because you have not learnt how to be discreet on whatever your partner tells you. That you have met his mother and other relatives is good but where do you meet when visiting him? I am not clear on this point but I think some of your actions are sending the wrong signals to the guy and he is not comfortable to have you for a wife. Apologise for whatever you have done, get your sister to do same and talk about everything, including knowing where he lives.
MY GIRLFRIEND IS SEXUALLY WEAK
I am a 28-year-old man and dating a 29-year-old lady. We are both lawyers; just out of national youth service and we both love each other. Though she is indeed beautiful and homely, she is emotionally and sexually weak. I mean, once a man touches her in any sensitive part, she succumbs. She has even told me that she was once lured into lesbianism. She said she was a virgin but after pestering her; she opened up that she slept with a guy but that it was mere fondling and not sex. Recently, I asked her to tell me whether she slept with any man during the youth service and she initially denied it. Knowing how emotionally frail she could be, I pressed further and she said that she met only one man and that they were both naked but that there was no sex. This is difficult to believe and I am afraid. I proposed to her after two years of courtship and she has not given me a reply. Though she asked me to forgive her, I am afraid to go ahead. What do I do?
- E
Kano.
Not only is your girlfriend wiser than you, she is older and playing on your weakness. You still believed she is a virgin? Then, you should also refer to your mother as a virgin. Why do you think she has not responded to your proposal? I think she is hiding so many secrets from you, that she cannot even walk down the aisle with you. If she does, you will discover she is not a virgin and had slept with many men. Hiding under the cloak of an unstable emotion is a device to whip up sentiment from you. If you prod further, she could tell you about other men. I think you are enchanted by her beauty and so blind to see through her. Though you have forgiven her, start looking for an alternative lady to be your wife in future.
MY BREASTS ARE TOO SMALL
I am in my 20s and I am not too comfortable with my bust. My breasts are extremely small and look like that of a child. This makes me uncomfortable and out of place. What do I do?
M.P
Lagos
Technology and fashion have introduced many good brassieres for girls like you, why feel out of place? What makes you think every guy likes busty women? Nature is so structured that every availability has a need somewhere. Who says those small boobs will not be the attraction to some guys? Liberate yourself, dress well and don’t allow any form of inferiority complex take hold of you. You could even have them bigger when you are start having babies.
I LOVE HIM BUT HE IS NOT LITERATE
I am 23, in love with a man who is ready to do everything for me but threatens to kill me if I don’t marry him. The problem is that his level of education is lower than mine and he even lives in the village.
L.O
Port-Harcourt
Why not advise him to further his education? That could help him relocate from the village and allow him more exposure. That two persons are dating also means the enlightened partner should shed more light on dark areas. Talk to him, educate him on why he needs to acquire more knowledge and you will be surprised he doesn’t even know how to get out of that village.
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