GOOD DAY, DOCTOR LOVE, how are you? Please, I need your help, sir. My name is Ejiro, I am 24 years old and a virgin. I have been dating my present boyfriend for about 6 months now. He says he wants to marry me and has been asking me for sex for a while now. I have told him repeatedly that I do not intend to have sex and break my virginity until after my wedding. But now, he’s saying he wants to be sure I’m a virgin before proposing to me and the only way he can confirm that is that having sex with me. I am confused, sir, what do you think I should do? I really love this guy and would love to be his wife.
TO BE HONEST, EJIRO, I don’t like the look of this. This doesn’t sound right to me at all. Why would a guy who’s serious about marrying you insist on having sex with you to confirm your virginity before marrying you? It does not look or sound right to me. To begin with, how sure are you that this guy really loves you? What have you seen? What has he done to convince you he’s being honest with you? Are you he will marry you even if you give him what he wants? Sincerely, I don’t think he’s been sincere with you. My advice is that you do not give him the sex he’s asking for. If he really and truly loves you, he will not be asking for sex before he can marry you. Tell him you’re not interested in the deal he’s offering you. If he wants to marry you, he should go ahead and do so if he genuinely loves you. Marriage should not be a bargain for sex. Quite frankly, this whole sex before marriage thing looks dubious to me. It would’ve been better if had simply said he can’t wait till after he gets married to you, that he wants to see what he’s ‘buying’ here and now. But to say he wants to be sure you’re a virgin just doesn’t cut it for me. Be careful with this guy, Ejiro, be very careful.
DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, I have a little problem and I need your help. I am Bimbo by name, and 25 years old. I have been dating my guy for a couple of years now. When we started our relationship, it was beautiful. But afterwards, we started drifting apart. He is a good guy. Both of us cannot explain what the problem, but I think we are growing apart. I am tired of pretending that all is well with the relationship, I want to put an end to it and move on but I don’t know how to tell him. Please, advice me, what should I do?
DEAR BIMBO, before you take the decision you want to take, you must ask yourself, what exactly went wrong with the relationship? Do you sincerely believe you have no blame in the collapse of the relationship? And rather than jump to the hasty conclusion that the relationship is over, why don’t you sit your guy down first and both of you talk things over. I will ask that you tread with caution. If this guy is a good guy like you said, then he deserves that you sit down with him and talk things over. It could be that all you basically need is to bring back the sparks in your relationship as against completely throwing it all away. What is the guarantee that the next guy you go for will turn out to be as good as this guy has been to you? Think about it. Dear, and tread with caution.
DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, my name is Mary, I am 23 year old. I am still in the university. I have been in a relationship for a year and half. But my mother called my boyfriend and told him to stay away from me, that she doesn’t want me distracted from studies. Since then, the guy has been avoiding me, saying he doesn’t want problems but I still love him. What do I do, sir?
MARY, I am not so sure now what you expect me to say. I’m sure you didn’t think I would ask you to ignore your mum and go ahead to keep your relationship with your guy, did you? I believe your mum is right. And I must say your guy is a sensible young man as well, that’s if he wasn’t already looking for a way to bail out of the relationship though and your mum handed him a bailout. But if he indeed simply followed your mum’s orders, then he is a sensible young man and he must be applauded. For now, I suggest you focus on your studies like your mum said. Do not worry, when it is time, it is your mum too who would ask you if you don’t have a boyfriend, and that if you have one, you should bring him home for her to see because she will be expecting you to start talking marriage at some point. So, dear, please, put a hold on your romance for now and heed your mum’s advice, very soon, you would have all the romance that you want in the world.
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