The sun sets on another day. You did everything you could to wind down, like taking a walk or drinking some wine and tried to keep your thoughts focused on happier things. But then as you cozy into bed, the feeling begins to rise up.
The longing. The hurt. You switch off the light, only to wind up staring at the ceiling, where the memories of you and him dance just out of reach. You find yourself wishing about how you can stop thinking about him at night.
Letting go and moving on is easy when you are preoccupied. Night time is a different zone, though. The day has come to an end, and you find yourself thinking about the things you are suddenly without.
The mind wanders easily at night, and so even if you did not think about him throughout work or school, you are going to be bombarded with emotions and memories.
When you try to force yourself not to think about something or someone, usually the exact opposite happens. You can squeeze your eyes shut or hum to yourself, but the relief is temporary. There are other ways to stop thinking about him that are much healthier and simpler.
Change the direction of the thoughts. Go ahead and imagine the places you went, the time you spent together, and the things you wish you would have done. Start to pick out the things that, whether you were with him or not, would leave a wonderful impression in your heart. Look at the places fondly. From there, you can work on the following:
If you going to think about him, you are going to think about him. However, is that what you really want to do? Staying stuck on someone who moved on is silly. So if you really want to forget about him, make up your mind to do it. Resolve to think less about him and more about what you learned from the relationship. Assess yourself, and find out how to do better next time.
Tell yourself that you two were not meant to be. Sure, you miss him, but he moved on. Even if you are not sure he found someone else, tell yourself this. He moved on, and so should you.
In other words, do not go seeking closure. Do not pull out your phone right before going to sleep to see if he posted anything new on social media. You might see something you do not like.
That will make going to bed even harder, and you will be closing your eyes on negative emotions. Again, look back fondly on the times you spent with him, but do not obsess over what no longer exists.
When things get really bad, simply think about what would have eventually driven you crazy. Everyone has quirks that are unlikable, so pick out his. Run with it. If you make that the focus, then you will bore of thinking about him.
Have enough strength and decency to know that if he did not want you, he did not respect you. And if he was intimidated or scared of commitment, then you need someone who is willing to take the risk for you.
A broken heart and longing are the issues that heal with time. You will find love again. Just do not give up. Do not allow yourself to feel depressed because of him. Smile and say, “You deserve the best.”
Although ridding yourself of his memory is hard, you can do it. To stop thinking about him at night is going to be a challenge at first, but if you follow this advice, you will find ways to redirect the thoughts or negate them all together. Stay strong. The memories will fade in time, and you will find new love.
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