Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1 Kim Kardashian and others offer encouraging words to Manchester bomb blast victims

The bomb blast which took place at the Manchester arena in the Uk took 22 lives. Following the blast, overwhelming support to find missing persons was shown on Twitter and people made sure to let the world know who exactly was at fault.

Please retweet this is mega important #Manchester#ManchesterArenapic.twitter.com/gI7uI6vxqK

— Harry Explores (@urbexharry)May 22, 2017

Apparently she is only 16… pleeeease retweet this and help her find her friend #manchesterarena#manchesterpic.twitter.com/1uC8U5mh9z

— Lucas Elliot (@RealLucasElliot) May 22, 2017

How amazing is social media pic.twitter.com/7IoycnAjGZ

— k (@wtvrkatelyn) May 22, 2017

Concerts are supposed to be a place where u can let loose & have fun. So scary to not feel safe in this world. @arianagrande I love you ? pic.twitter.com/97XkIFz4m2

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) May 23, 2017

People not at fault in Manchester:
– The victims
– The parents
– Ariana
– An entire religion

People who are at fault:
– The murderers

— Simia Rex of the Orb (@VitruvianMonkey) May 23, 2017

To all my dear Muslim brothers and sisters in Manchester and across the U.K., we got your back. Neither terrorists nor Nazis will divide us.

— Louise Mensch (@LouiseMensch) May 23, 2017

2. Aregbesola has an honourary life membership

It’s not only the UK that is dealing with things gone awry. Nigeria too.

See below:

@raufaregbesola coffered with HONORARY life membership of Osun state house of Assembly as part of his 60th birthday. pic.twitter.com/z2tBVswcLm

— Abiodun Collins (@etccollins48) May 23, 2017

Clarence reacts:

I need this to be explained to me very slowly. https://t.co/4KjBadorj0

— Clxrence (@Clarenceonyeks) May 23, 2017

3. Seyi Taylor

Nneka rolled out a thread detailing the virtues of the perfect wife, and Seyi Taylor is trying to wrap his head around it.

Question:

You people and your relationship tweets. #NigerianTwitter is special. What is the appropriate number of pieces of meat to eat please?

— ST. (@seyitaylor) May 23, 2017

4. Answer

x = (y – 1)/3

Where x is right number of pieces meat to eat
& y is number of pieces served.

e.g. If served 4 pieces: x = (4-1)/3

x = 1 https://t.co/udCtG77Vz1

— Clxrence (@Clarenceonyeks) May 23, 2017

5. The Instigator

A viral video showing a Zimbabwe making a phone call to God in church got The Instigator curious:

??Zimbabwean Pastor who has God’s Direct Mobile ??Number. Africa my Africa! One Day we go get sense! pic.twitter.com/9rVq43jm6u

— Kayode Ogundamisi (@ogundamisi) May 22, 2017

Why didn’t anyone ask that Pastor claiming to be talking to God on cellphone to put the call on loud speaker pic.twitter.com/Bxkk3zWqNe

— The Instigator (@AmBlujay) May 23, 2017

@AmBlujay I wonder which network Jesus uses and does he switch off his Data because of costs like the rest of us pic.twitter.com/WWRZvOLWpo

— ukhanki (@TboozeSA) May 23, 2017

@AmBlujay Can u imagine on that heaven Whatsapp group when Abraham and David are roasting Jesus for not having any girl while they had hundreds pic.twitter.com/bcBO2t4u0a

— ukhanki (@TboozeSA) May 23, 2017

@AmBlujay Do you think God is the kind of father that will call Jesus to help him use his cellphone like most parents?.. so many questions hey pic.twitter.com/Q0KGslm9df

— ukhanki (@TboozeSA) May 23, 2017

@AmBlujay why not grab the phone? If someone claimed 2 be in contact with God, I’d go for that phone. I’d do anything to speak to *Papa God*

— ?juStEndy? (@GebasheEndy) May 23, 2017

@GebasheEndy@AmBlujay Coz he was actually on hold with Telkom ??

— Wes (@unacCeptablyOK) May 23, 2017

@unacCeptablyOK@AmBlujay ???he doesn’t say “bye” to PapaGod??how rude??

— ?juStEndy? (@GebasheEndy) May 23, 2017

6. IK Osakioduwa

The radio presenter and MC is on a trip in South Africa and loving the ladies… Hear him for yourselves:

I could walk around the mall in Johannesburg ALL DAY. God is sooooooo good to South African women. Don’t you think so @stephaniecoker

A post shared by Ik Osakioduwa (@ikosakioduwa) on May 23, 2017 at 9:28am PDT

7. Eldee’s wife celebrates his birthday

Baby, Turning 40 seemed a lifetime away when we met all those years ago under Archi studio. I could never have imagined that that day would completely alter our lives forever. I bless that day but even more than that I am grateful most of all for May 23rd 1977 because without that day, my life really would not be the joyful one that it is now. I appreciate you for your sincerity, purposefulness, dedication, honesty, kindness, wit, ingenuity, meticulousness, independence and selflessness. I see the way you look at our girls with so much love and pride and I am often jealous because I want you all to myself. The girls are so lucky to have such a dependable, adoring, charismatic, generous, encouraging, straightforward, brilliant, tender, loving and affectionate Father. I am so lucky to have you as my baby daddy! We’ve been through some “adventures” together and it always amazes me how strong you are in the face of adversity. You have this strong, wise, courageous, confident, direct, powerful, poised, patient, practical and mostly dependable way about you. I love the way you love me so fiercely even when Im being a “kill joy.” I love you with every part of my being. You are irresistible, irreplaceable, fine, fantastic sexy, sweet, handsome, humble, caring and considerate to me. I am so proud of you and I’m excited to see what you are going to do with your next 40 years. I promise to always love you and stand by you my darling. Happy 40th birthday baby…and yes those are just 40 of the many reasons I love you.

A post shared by dollylabelle (@dollylabelle) on May 22, 2017 at 11:40pm PDT

Very special thanks to my soulmate @dollylabelle for the best gift ever!!! And to all my wonderful friends who contributed. You all are truly a blessing. I am humbled and I feel privileged to have shared truly special moments with each and every one of you. Love and respect for making time to do this. I’m going to enlarge all the messages and put up in my home office, to remind myself constantly that I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. Love & Respect Always ✌?Thank you all!

A post shared by Lanre ‘eLDee’ Dabiri (@eldeethedon) on May 23, 2017 at 9:59am PDT