HI DOCTOR, my name is Joyce and I am 22 years old. I have been in a relationship for a year and some months now and we started having sex in the seventh month of being together. But since then, he has changed. He doesn’t treat me the same way he used to and when I say no to sex, it becomes a big problem. Aside that, he is a nice guy, he’s always ready to help. Always apologises when he does wrong and he has my best interest at heart. But am still confused if its love or lust.
JOYCE, it’s so sad that after taking your time before getting sexually intimate with your guy (seven whole months after you guys started dating) and yet he stopped treating you well like he used to the moment you let him eat from your treasured Apple. It just goes to show that’s what he was waiting for all the while. You say he’s still a nice guy and all that but clearly, something fundamental has gone wrong with the relationship. He has stopped loving you after eating from your honey pot a few times. You clearly do not hold any significance to him as far as he’s concerned. This probably explains why he is always furious whenever you refuse him sex. You asked if what he feels for you is love or lust, right? If you want my honest answer, then I’ll tell you it’s certainly not love. No man stops loving a woman he claims he loves after having sex with her seven long months into the relationship!
HELLO WALE, my ex broke up with me recently. He said that he has been cheating on me and that it will be better to go separate ways. After three months, his friend asked me out and we started dating. I told my new boyfriend everything about my ex and I asked if its fine his friend, my ex, knows we are dating and he said no, its not right. He said his friend would think I’m a cheap girl to have dated his friend just after a few months of break up. Please, advise me on what to do.
To be honest with you, I don’t quite get what you’re asking of me. Is it that you’re asking if you should discontinue the relationship or if you should keep it away from your ex? It would’ve been better if you called so we could talk. That way, I would understand you better. But quite frankly, I have never and would never subscribe to ladies jumping straight into the arms of the friend of their ex boyfriend to start another relationship not long after they got dumped! It very seldom works out. It’s either you’re doing so out of revenge to spite your ex lover without realizing it, or you’ve been admiring him all the while and just couldn’t wait to get into bed with him and of course, this makes you nothing but cheap! For all you know, the guy is probably taking advantage of your broken heart just so he can get in between your legs and then tell friends, including your ex, that he’s been there too! And then, there’s the last part I want you to think about. If indeed your new boyfriend is serious about you, do you think you guys can ever take the relationship to the next level which is marriage? Or is that not what you would be hoping for when you go into a new relationship, except of course if you’re still pretty young to start thinking of marriage (you didn’t state your age). Do you think this guy could ever see you as a possible wife material knowing that his friend once dated you and had sexual intimacy with you? Do you think he will ever be comfortable with that? I doubt it. Your new boyfriend is right to say he thinks your ex might regard you as a cheap girl for dating him shortly after he dumped you. But what I do not know is whether he too has genuine feelings for you that’s worth risking your pride and dignity as a woman for.
HELLO, DOCTOR LOVE, my name’s Mary. I need your help. I do not enjoy sex with my guy and he’s the only one I’m dating. I don’t want to cheat on him by testing it with another guy. Please, help me…0816881…
DEAR MARY, I would’ve liked to know your age first and find out from you if your guy met you a virgin. I say this because, from your text, you sound to me like you’ve never had sex with any other man apart from your boyfriend. If that’s the case, all you need to do is discuss your feelings with your man. Let him know your frustrations. Show him the part of your body that you would like him to touch and concentrate on. If he’s also the type that pays little attention to romance and foreplay and then mounts you even before you get wet, let him know your body doesn’t react well to this. You need to have an intimate discussion with him. It should really worry him too that you’re not enjoying sexual intimacy with him, any man worth his salt should be unselfish when it comes to lovemaking. If a woman can’t feel her man, and enjoy him, then its as bad as being punished by him. Open up to him and let him know how you feel, hopefully, if he cares about how you feel, he would put aside his own pleasures and work towards satisfying you.
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