DEAR DR LOVE, please, I need your help badly. My name is Akin and I’m 30 years old. I have been dating the woman I intend to marry for about two years now. Her name is Taiwo. We are both very much in love and to be honest with you, she means the world to me. And we plan to have our wedding before the middle of next year. But all of that came shattering down a week ago when my younger brother who had been based in Abuja came visiting me in Lagos and met my woman. They were both shocked to see each other. And the moment Taiwo realized the young man was my brother, she broke into tears, picked up her bag and raced out of the house. It was later my brother explained they were lovers while in the university before they lost contact. What do I do now, should I still go ahead and marry her?
MY BROTHER, to be honest with you, this is more of a decision that should be made by you guys. I do not think it is in my place to decide for whether you should go ahead and marry the woman you love or not, just because she once dated your younger brother while in school. If you had caught her cheating on you with your brother, that is a different thing. I could easily have told you she’s not going to make a good wife, drop her. But not in this situation. She dated your younger long before she met and knew you. I think you need to sit down with your woman, first of all and find out what her thoughts are about the whole situation. Is her love for you strong enough for her to go ahead with the wedding plans? Can she deal with living with you as man and wife and knowing your younger brother was once her lover? And what about you? What’s your heart telling you? Do you still want her despite what has happened? You both need to sit down and decide together the way forward. If you are both on the same page and you’re willing to go ahead with your wedding, then you invite your brother over and also speak to him. Let him know what you guys have decided and the role he has to play to keep this away from the rest of the family. If he truly loves and respects you as his elder brother, I do not think that would be asking too much of him. But, like I said earlier, the decision is entirely yours to take.
HI DOCTOR WALE, my name is Oluwakemi and I’m 19 years old. I have a boyfriend who is 23 years old and we have been dating for almost two years now. The problem I’m having with him is sex. He wants us to have sex and I have told him I can’t do it. I am not sure I am ready for sex now. I want you to help me, please, what should I do?
DEAR KEMI, you want to know what you should do, right? RUN! RUN!! RUN!!! That’s what you should do. At 19 years old, sex should not be in your curricular right now. You shouldn’t ordinarily be in a relationship that revolves around sex. If you must have make friends, they must be friends that will impart positive stuffs into you. And sex is certainly not one of such positive stuffs. You can have a close relationship with guys that can challenge you academically. Be friends with guys that will bring the best out of you, not the ones that are only interested in taking you to bed and then boast to friends afterwards that they have seen what you’ve got in between your legs. And I’m sure that you know how disappointed mum and dad would be if they find out you’re already indulging in sex. What if you get pregnant in the process, and the possibility is quite high? Tell that young man you do like him, because I can tell you really do, but that sex is out of it for you as of this moment. Like KSA and Onyeka Onwenu sang many years ago, if he truly loves you, he should wait for you till you’re ready. Period.
Doctor Love, my name is Ada. You have got to help me, please! I just found out that one of my friends, Agnes, is pregnant for the man I want to marry. My fiance and I have been dating for a couple of years now and we’re finally planning to get married this December. I know he cheats on me with other girls but weeks ago I got the shocker of my life when I went through his phone and found several messages that showed that he had been dating my friend and that she is even pregnant for him. When I confronted him with it, he couldn’t deny him. He started pleading for forgiveness and assured me that my friend has agreed to abort the pregnancy. He still wants to marry me. What do I do, Wale, I’m so confused. Please, I beg you, conceal my number.
THIS IS A VERY tough situation you have found yourself in, my dear. It is very cruel that your fiancé could do this to you when you’re only a couple of months away from you wedding. And to make matters for you, you also happen to have friends that are utterly unreliable and unfaithful. You have very mean friends who do not give a hoot about you but care only about their happiness and satisfaction. What or how can I advise you now? That you leave your fiancé and then let your friend come back to take him? Or ask you to close your eyes and ignore all he’s done regardless of the hurt he’s caused you and go ahead to marry him? Sweetheart, this is one call only you can make. It’s your decision to take. The good thing here is now you know the type of man you’re getting married to. If he could do this with your friend, then it means your sister, your house maid, your neighbour’s teenage daughter, nobody is safe from him. Some women take the issue of cheating very seriously. They will tell you a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage and they walk away from the relationship. I’m not asking you to walk away from yours, all I’m saying is, if you’re going ahead with the wedding, then you must be prepared for the heartbreaks that it might and will definitely throw your away. A man that could get your friend pregnant even before you walk down the aisle together is capable of doing anything after the wedding has taken place. Except if, by some miracle, God himself appears and delivers him, this guy will never change. What you’re seeing now is what you’ll get. Period. So, if you know you can take the heartaches, please send me your wedding invite, I will gladly honour you with my presence.