DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, please, I really need your help. My husband and I have been married for over two years now. We have a child between us. My husband has been a good husband and a fantastic father. But the problem is that he is not so good in bed. First, he does not last for long, and secondly, he has no other way of making love other than the missionary style. When we were courting, we had sex a few times and they were not bad. But shortly after we got married, his performance level started to drop. But the strange thing is that it’s either my husband is not bothered about this, or he simply hasn’t noticed it himself. He does not last beyond three or four minutes in bed. And he has no time for foreplay. He just climbs into bed, takes off my panties, spreads my legs and gbam! Meanwhile, he likes to do this like at least three times in a week. And each one is never different from the last one. He is always like a man in a hurry. Right now, by the time I realize he’s inside me and wants to start enjoying him, he’s done and he’s already dozing off beside me. I am really worried that I might be tempted to start looking elsewhere for sexual gratification.
MY DEAR SISTER, you didn’t include your name in your message and your age as well. I keep telling people every now and then that this information is necessary. They enable me to make near accurate judgments or assessments of the situation. Even your husband’s age would’ve been necessary for this circumstance. But nevertheless, I will go ahead and say a few things. First is that you have done well to have endured the lack of sexual gratification in your marriage for some time now, but please, don’t you ever think of cheating on your husband on account of his inability to make you feel good in bed. If you do that, and then shortly after he finds a solution to the problem and sex becomes great for you guys in bed again, what do you then? Won’t the guilt tear your conscience apart? What you need to do is summon the courage to speak to your husband about it. Let him understand that you used to enjoy him a lot more than you’re doing now and you want him to go back to doing things the way he used to do them. For instance, let him know you enjoy foreplay a lot and you would like him to do a lot of it each time both of you are in bed. Truth is, some men don’t pay attention to these things unless the woman draws their attention to it. Let him also know that he comes a little too early for you and that most times, he is already done by the time you’re just warming up for him. And the best time to bring up this matter is when both of you are relaxed in bed and are happy with each other. Be sure he is in the right frame of mind before you bring up the subject. If you handle it well, you could even trigger a steamy session between both of you right there in bed. But you must find a way to bring up the matter with him, otherwise, if you don’t, there won’t be a solution to the problem. Good luck.
DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, I have a very serious problem that I have been too ashamed to discuss with anybody. My name is Kike and I am 23 years old. My best friend’s name is Angela and we have been friends since our secondary school days. The problem I have is with her boyfriend, I think I have fallen in love with the guy. He’s a very cute guy. And I have caught him looking at me in a strange way too. Something tells me he knows I like him and I think he likes me too. But he knows Angela and I are very close so he can’t come after me. And I can’t go after him too. What can I do, Mr Wale, I really love this guy. Please, conceal my number, my friend reads a lot of magazines.
KIKE, I would’ve preferred to speak with you via phone. To start with, I would’ve loved to ask you, do you have a boyfriend yourself? If you don’t, then I think that’s where your problem is coming from. If you have your own man, you will not be lusting after your best friend’s lover. What do you want her to think of you if she finds out you have been lusting after her man, do you think she will ever trust you again? Secondly, I would’ve loved to ask you if you understand what it means to stab a friend in the back because that is exactly what you’re about to do now. I will advise you to get your mind off your best friend’s man, it can only bring you nothing but trouble. If you do not have a boyfriend, then open your doors for your own man to come in so you can divert all your love and affection to him instead of lusting after Angela’s sweetheart.
DOCTOR WALE, I have a problem and I need your help to solve it. There is this guy whom I have been dating for about eight months now. We met through a mutual friend. Our relationship took off faster than I planned because he was practically all over me. He never gave me a breathing space, always calling to check up on me and wanting to take me out on a date. And before I knew what was happening, I had fallen in love with him. There is hardly a weekend that we do not spend together and a lot of his friends are already used to me. But lately, he just changed. He no longer spends time with me like he used to and does not call me as he used to when we first started. Even sex between us has dropped greatly. I have asked him repeatedly if there is a problem or there’s something I have done to offend him but he says there’s no such thing, that he’s just been under pressure with work. I know he’s lying, he’s not under any work pressure. But do you think he‘s already tired of the relationship so soon? Is he trying to dump me? Has he found another woman? Please, help me.
MY DEAR, you did not even mention your name, neither did you give me your age so I have an idea how mature you are. Listen, yours is not really as straightforward as you think. The truth of the matter is, only your guy can tell us what the problem is. He may not have found another woman as you suspect, it could be something you said or did that he is probably not ready to talk about. And yes, there could be another woman in his life. And he could also be going through a difficult phase that he does not want to share with you. So, it could be anything. I will advise that you give him a bit more time, whatever the problem is, you will find out soon. If he’s tired of the relationship or there’s another woman, you will find out sooner or later because he will definitely become irritated if you insist on sorting things out with him rather than walking away if that’s what’s on his mind. Don’t push him, don’t fight him, just hang in there. Call him up, send him messages and check up on him at home, soon, everything will fall in and you will know where you stand. Good luck, dear.
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