DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, please, i need your help quickly. I have a very serious issue on my hands. I cannot discuss it with anybody, not even my sisters or best friend. It’s something i find a bit shameful. I just discovered two weeks ago that the man i will be getting married to by November this year is the elder brother to somebody i had a fling with during Youth service. The guy and I met at a party. I was serving in Bayelsa and he was also serving in Bayelsa as well. He came to the party with a girl while i was also there with a guy. Somehow, we just got to talk for a few minutes and he must’ve noticed i really liked him. He wrote his phone number and sneaked it into my hands. I called him a few days after, we hooked up and had sex a few times and then he disappeared . Though I kind of liked, but I didn’t think much about him again when I didn’t see him or hear from him. I felt he was just looking for fun and i was game and that was it. But i got the shock of my life when I met this guy in my fiance’s house two weeks ago. My guy had told me he had a brother who served in Bayelsa and now works there after he got a job there shortly after his service. I didn’t connect the dots at all. Now, i am confused, what should i do? I love my fiance so much and he loves me too, but will he still love me if he finds out I had slept with his younger brother years ago?
MY DEAR, you didn’t give me your name and neither did you mention where you’re writing for. But its okay, I understand. I won’t like for anyone to uncover your identity either. Sweetheart, these things happen, okay? So, there is no need for you to make very hasty decisions just yet. I will need to speak with you though. I need to know, have you spoken with the guy after you guys met at your fiance’s place? If you have, what did he tell you? Did he give you any assurance your secret is safe with him? Truth is, everything depends entirely on how sensible and responsible this guy is as a person. If he is a responsible young man, I expect that he should respect the fact that you’re now somebody else’s fiancee now, and his brother’s fiancee for that matter. He should give you that respect and keep whatever was between both of you buried in the past so you can move on with your life. If he gives you his word he has put whatever happened between you guys behind him and he has to respect the fact that you’re now his brother’s woman and wife to be, I suggest you calm down and go ahead with the wedding plans o long as you are sure you no longer feel anything for him as well. But if he is giving you attitude, like many young guys will wont to do, then there is fire on the mountain. But call me first and lets talk.
HELLO, MR. WALE, my name is Christy. I have a boyfriend whom I’ve been dating for four years. He is a very nice person but the problem is that we seem not to understand ourselves. We argue a lot. He has been asking me to pay him a visit ever since I visited him last year but the long distance between us is too much. I really wish to see him but my job is not giving me the chance and I don’t have the freedom to go to anywhere I want. We used to talk all the time but all that changed. And anytime I try to talk to him about it, we always end up arguing. Please, tell me what to do, I love him. Please, don’t reveal my number.
DEAR CHRISTY, you and your man need to ‘calm down’, you hear me? I think that the strain in your long distance relationship is starting to overwhelm both of you. Long distance relationships do come with their own peculiar challenges and one of them is the pressure to be with each other after a while that you last set your eyes on each other. And once that meeting is not looking feasible in the shortest possible time, emotions begin to go up. Your guy wants to see you again. You can’t blame him for getting worked up. Now, the problem I have with your request is that you didn’t state your age and neither did you state your location and that of your guy. Having this information would’ve guided me better in offering you the appropriate advice. For instance, if you were of age, I would’ve suggested you speak to your guy about coming over to visit you and then you introduce him to your family as the guy you’re dating. Let them at least, know him. And if he’s at least sincere about his feelings for you, he shouldn’t run away from being introduced to your parents. That way, you could also tell them you wish to pay him a visit once you are able to take a few days off at your work place. But I do not know how old or mature you really are and if it would be possible for your parents to let you travel out of your base to see a man they hardly know. Try to avoid arguing too much with your man, instead, speak with him gently and let him know you also badly want to see him again but that you both need to put heads together to work out something.
HI WALE, I have a problem. My name is Ranti, I’m 21 years old and single. I have not been able to get over my ex boyfriend with whom I parted ways over a year ago. I have not been able to start another relationship ever since because my heart is still with him. The only problem now is that he’s married, yet my heart still yearns for him! What do I do? Please hide my number.
DEAR RANTI, I am so o sorry there’s little I can do for you here. What would you have me say to you? Tell you to pray and have God separate the guy and his wife so that the guy can come back to you? That won’t happen! Truth is, if by any stroke of misfortune your ex and his wife ever part ways, the guy may never come looking for you. You were there when he got married, yet he chose another woman over you, what makes you think he won’t do the same again? If you ask me, I think the guy has confined you to his past and moved on. You, my dear, should do the same too. There are thousands of men out there who find you attractive and desire to be that special man your life. You must fight to deal with your emotions and confine your ex to your past too. Tell yourself its over between you two and nothing can ever change that. Then, the next step is to open the door to your heart and let a man who would truly love and appreciate you come in.
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