Dear Wale, my husband and I got married few months ago. Before our wedding, we had made love only once during our one-year courtship. I insisted it remained that way because as Christians, we were not even supposed to have before marriage. Now, the problem is that my husband lacks patience when it comes to lovemaking. He doesn’t believe in foreplay. He just climbs into bed, mounts me and minutes after, he’s all done. He doesn’t even last long enough. To him, it doesn’t matter whether I enjoy the thing or not. I try to discuss these issues with him but I’m afraid he might think of me as wayward or insatiable. What do you think I should do? Please, help me –Anabelle, 08037268***
Anabelle, I must confess you have quite some work to do on your husband. Sad to see that he simply lacks the knowledge and experience to give you sexual gratification. But you have got to talk to him, enlighten him on what your body wants from him, regardless of what he would think of you. Truth is, if you don’t talk to him and make him understand these things, you’ll continue to suffer emotionally, and for how long do you think you might be able to endure and suffer in silence? Educate your husband on the need to engage you in intense foreplay before penetration. Let him understand how your body responds to his touch and intimate him on the most sensitive parts of your body you’ll like him to pay some attention to before for a short while before he goes inside for the main business. It could be that your husband, just like some other men out there, just doesn’t have the understanding of how the woman’s body works before settling down with one. As his wife, it’s now your responsibility to educate him. Most women will concede very easily that the men they cherish the most are the ones who understand their body the most. No woman will be happy with the one who simply wants to have ‘sex,’ it’s the one who makes ‘love’ that will most certainly set their desires on a high all of the time. You must talk to him, Anabelle, only you can solve this problem yourself. This is the only way to guarantee the survival of your marriage. Good luck.
Hello, Dr. Love, my name’s Mary. I need your help. I do not enjoy sex with my guy and he’s the only one I’m dating. I don’t want to cheat on him by testing it with another guy. Please, help me…0816881…
Dear Mary, I would’ve liked to know your age first and find out from you if your guy met you a virgin. I say this because, from your text, you sound to me like you’ve never had sex with any other man apart from your boyfriend. If that’s the case, all you need to do is discuss your feelings with your man. Let him know your frustrations. Show him the part of your body that you would like him to touch and concentrate on. If he’s also the type that pays little attention to romance and foreplay and then mounts you even before you get wet, let him know your body doesn’t react well to this. You need to have an intimate discussion with him. It should really worry him too that you’re not enjoying sexual intimacy with him, any man worth his salt should be unselfish when it comes to lovemaking. If a woman can’t feel her man, and enjoy him, then its as bad as being punished by him. Open up to him and let him know how you feel, hopefully, if he cares about how you feel, he would put aside his own pleasures and work towards satisfying you.
Doctor Love, please, reply me urgently. I have been dating my man for three years now but his ex-girlfriend still wants him back. Although he says nothing will make him go back to her, I am not comfortable with the way they have been communicating on the phone, its getting too much for my comfort! Wale, I’m not happy, please, what should I do? My name is Peace from Port-Harcourt…..07031977…..
Dear Peace, I can understand your fears. This is an issue that, oftentimes, rears its head between couples. I can only ask you to calm down and take things easy. If your man says he does not want to take his ex back, then you must believe him. You could also let him know your fears with his ex’s renewed interest in you. But do not push it too much, else he’ll begin to see you as a nag. Three years is enough time for you to know the kind of man you’re dating. If you know him well enough, you should be able to tell if he’s being sincere with you when he said there’s nothing going on between them. My advice is, until he proves otherwise, take your mind off the issue and concentrate on making your relationship with him even stronger.