HELLO DOCTOR LOVE, I have a very serious problem and I need your help. My name is Ify, I am 25 years old. I have been dating my guy for about two years now. From the look of things, we are deeply in love with each other. Not a day goes by that we don’t speak to each other. And at least, every weekend, we try to spend time to each other. He has not proposed to me yet but I know he would probably have done so if not for his friends. I don’t know what the problem is, but they all don’t seem to like me. Anytime I visit Bayo (he’s Yoruba while I’m Igbo) they always act cold towards me. Sometimes, they will just leave the house once they see me. I once had an issue with one of them and I apologized later, I don’t know if that’s what they’re holding against me. Or, is it because am not a Yoruba girl? Please advice on what to do……
DEAR IFY, I can feel the pain in your hear dripping from your message. But I also believe there’s probably more to this than you’re telling me. What I’m trying to say is that, the disagreement that you had with one of his friends, you did not give details of what transpired. Were you at fault? Did you disrespect his friend? Did you insult his friend? These are the questions I would like to have answers to. And I don’t think this has anything to do with the fact that you’re an Igbo girl like you alluded. I suspect that his other friends are acting cold towards you because of what happened between you and their friend. Their thinking would be that, if you could have a disagreement with their friend and in the process they believe you disrespected him by making some utterances that you probably shouldn’t have made, then you’re not good enough for their friend and that you could also disrespect them the same way you disrespected their friend. I suggest that you sit down your guy and tell him you need his help to make things better between you and his friends. He could invite the friends over to his place where you would have the opportunity to apologise to them for your behavior and ask for their forgiveness. Let them you’re not happy that things are not going right between you and them and that you want to make things better because if things you cannot be comfortable with their friend if things are not good between you and them. I am positive that if you speak well and you let them feel the pain in your heart, they will open to you and everything will be settled. Good luck, Ify.
DOCTOR LOVE, please, I need you to advice me on my relationship with the girl am presently dating. We have only been together for about a year. She’s 23 while am 27. She’s just about to graduate while am already working. I love this girl. I really care about her, but I don’t know if she feels same way about me. I have a feeling that she is more concerned about the things she gets from me than what she brings into the relationship. She is always demanding for one thing or the other. And once I fail to give her something that I promised to give her on the day I said I would give it to her, all hell will be let lose. I really love her but this attitude of hers really worries me.
MY BROTHER, to be candid with you, you have a serious problem on your hands. Your babe is highly materialistic and this will continue to affect your relationship with her until things will start to fall apart between you two. Now, I am not advocating that you shouldn’t spend money on your woman or that the babe has no right asking you for money, that’s not my point. Truth is, it’s your responsibility to take care of her, especially if she lacks the financial capability to take care of herself. But her demands must be done in moderation. She must not over stretch you to a point where you have to spend beyond your means just to keep her happy. Any relationship that is centered on how much money the guy can spend to keep the lady happy is surely bound to hit the rocks at some point. Let your babe know she is stretching you beyond your limits. Let her know you’re not happy that she is not putting in enough of devotion into the relation, rather she’s just been concentrating on getting from you all the time. Do not be scared that she might threaten to break up with you, if she really cares about you, she will remain with you. But if she’s been fooling you all this while, then she certainly was never meant to be yours. Let her go. It is better you experience a broken relationship with her than a broken marriage.
DOCTOR Love, my name is Peter. There is this girl that I just started talking to lately and I think she kinda likes me because when I asked her that has she ever thought of dating a guy she said ‘yes’ and when I asked her when she took the decision, she said ‘today’. So, definitely, I think she’s talking about me and I just wanna know if I can ask her to be my girlfriend. Is it right or wrong? Thank you.
MY dear Peter, I am not going to spend much time counseling you. Its not necessary. I will make yours very brief and straight to the point. NO! Capital NO, you cannot ask her to be your girlfriend. If you are familiar with this column you should know by now what I tell young people like you who come here asking for relationship advice. You are still way too young to dabble into these things. This is the time to focus solely on your academics. If you ask the girl to be your girlfriend and she says yes, the next thing you want to have with her is sex. You are about my second child’s age, and I cannot imagine her talking about the possibility of having a boyfriend let alone dating a guy. Only three things should be important to you and your age group right now, and that is education, education and education! So, please, stay away from that girl.