Bobby drew a little closer to me, unsure what my reaction would be if he tried to touch me. “Listen, sweetheart, I know I hurt you, but you must forgive me. I just couldn’t help myself,” he pleaded and this time, I felt he meant every word.
“But look at me, Bobby, look at semen stains all over my body, look at what you’ve done. I feel terrible.” I continued to cry, looking at my rumpled and stained clothes, battered body. “Please, come and wash yourself in the bathroom, let me clean you up,” he offered.
“No, don’t clean me up, I will do that myself!” I snapped at him. The last thing I wanted now was having his hands running all over my body again.
‘“Its okay, whatever you say,” Bobby said resignedly. He could see from the look on my face that I detested his touch with every vein in my body. And slowly, I gathered myself together and crawled to the bathroom. I felt a deep and endless sharp pain at the bottom of my belly. I inserted two fingers inside my vagina, it felt different, it felt ravaged. It felt as though Bobby had evacuated everything that was precious inside of me. At that point, I felt I was worthless. I felt used. I felt like a useless piece of shit. I felt like an ordinary slut who should bury her face in shame where other decent girls with dignity are gathered. And, again, for the umpteenth time, the tears began to course down my face again.
Minutes after, I stepped out of the bathroom. Bobby was still waiting for me by the door.
“ I don’t want to spend another minute in this place, I want to take my leave,” I said quietly.
He rose to his feet. “But not like this, Jessica, you look awful. Everyone will know something happened to you. Why don’t you rest for a few more minutes?” he suggested.
“So that you can rape me again a second time? No, thanks,” I returned, staring angrily at him. I didn’t wait for his approval, I tried to steady myself and headed for the door… It is time to go home. It is time to take that long walk of shame back to my father’s house….
The minute I walked into the house, hard as I tried to pull myself together, my mother knew something was wrong with me. She was already looking out for me, waiting for me to come in and join her in preparing dinner.
“Rosemary, are you okay?” she asked as I stepped inside the house. Her eyes were roving all me to uncover what the problem could be with me. Knowing my mother, I knew I had to be extra careful. She was a very vigilant mother who knew her children inside out. If something told her there was a problem, she would not let you rest until she found out what it is.
“Are you sure about that, my daughter?” she asked, her eagle sharp eyes still running all over my body.
“Yes, ma, it’s just a little headache that weighed me down while I was at my friend’s place,” I tried to sound like I’m good. But knowing mum, I would need to do more than that to dislodge her.
“How exactly are you feeling now? Is it like malaria? Do you have temperature?” she placed her hand over my neck to feel my body temperature. I had to be careful about how I reacted.
“Don’t worry, mummy, I will be okay, it’s just a slight headache, that’s all,” I tried to allay her fears.
Finally, she let me be. “Go and take some Paracetamol and rest, me and your sister will cook dinner,” she said to me.
I heaved a sigh of relief as I raced into the bedroom and went straight to bed. But I could barely sleep as deeply as I wanted. All the events of the day started to playback to me all over again. How could Bobby do this to me? How could he take such advantage of me and make me feel like a slut? Bobby will pay for this. I don’t know how or when, but Bobby would certainly pay for doing this to me. He will pay dearly for this…His day of Nemesis will come!!
