Good day, Doctor Love, please, I need your help. I have been dating a married man for the past three years now and I have done two abortions for him and now I’m 4 months pregnant again for him. At first, he asked me to keep it, that he will marry me, though I already have a baby girl out of wedlock. But weeks ago, he said I should go for abortion, that he is now a changed person and does not want to hurt his wife or make his kids feel bad. Right now, I’m so depressed and confused I don’t know what to do, please, help me…
My dear, you did not state your name or age. But the fact that you already have a child out of wedlock means you must be a pretty mature lady. To be honest with you, I do not know the sort of advice you expect me to give you. The very foundation of your situation is faulty because you’re sleeping with another woman’s husband. So, what sort of help or advice am I supposed to give you here, ask you to hold on tight to a man that belongs to another woman? And unfortunately for you, the man in question has only been using you all along. You have aborted twice for him. He asked you to keep pregnancy number three and then suddenly makes a U-turn and says no, you have to abort it. Clearly, he has been using you to keep his bed and body warm when madam is not available. The guy has had enough of your body now he wants to walk away and sadly, there is nothing you can do to stop him. Now, the question is, what should you do about the pregnancy? I am not in the position to ask you to abort it, neither will I ask you to keep it, knowing full well you already have a child out of wedlock. Having two kids from two different men is not the sort of reputation you’d like to build for yourself. Do you have a job? Can you conveniently take care of two kids all by yourself? Are you ready to draw the battle line with your man and tell him you will keep the pregnancy whether he wants it or not? Only you can provide answers to these questions. The choice, really, is yours to make.
HELLO LOVE DOCTOR, my name is Ruth. There is this guy I’m dating, he still talks with his ex and anytime I ask him he says they are just friends. He never admits his wrong and he never apologizes. He never calls or texts, neither will he return my calls, but all he wants is sex. He never wants to talk about positive things. Please, I need your advice.
Dear Ruth, you really need to identify what you think is the major issue you have with your guy and deal with it squarely, instead of packing both the serious and unserious issues together. You started by saying he still talks with his ex and he says they are just friends. So, in your book, once you end a relationship with a guy you both automatically become sworn enemies, never to speak a word to each other again? No, dear, it doesn’t work that way. The world has not been wired that way. Now, the fact that they still say hi and spend time talking on the phone does not imply they’re still dating. As a lady, you must learn not to be insecure when you’re in a relationship. Before you begin to accuse your man of having an affair with his ex, you must have your proof. So, until you get one, stop making unfounded allegations. Now, to the other more serious issues. You say he never calls or texts you, neither does he return your calls. He also would never apologise to you if he wrongs you and that all he wants from you is sex? These are very serious issues. And if you ask me, candidly, these are all the clear signals of a man who doesn’t give a hoot about the woman he’s dating. You want the honest truth? You’re no more than a sex tool to him. This guy doesn’t love you one bit, neither does he have an iota of respect for you! You want to go ahead with the relationship? It’s your call, my dear. But if you were my sister, I will whip your pretty ass out of that no good relationship.
DOCTOR Love, my name is Peter. There is this girl that I just started talking to lately and I think she kinda likes me because when I asked her that has she ever thought of dating a guy she said ‘yes’ and when I asked her when she took the decision, she said ‘today’. So, definitely, I think she’s talking about me and I just wanna know if I can ask her to be my girlfriend. Is it right or wrong? Thank you.
My dear Peter, I am not going to spend much time counseling you. Its not necessary. I will make yours very brief and straight to the point. NO! Capital NO, you cannot ask her to be your girlfriend. If you are familiar with this column you should know by now what I tell young people like you who come here asking for relationship advice. You are still way too young to dabble into these things. This is the time to focus solely on your academics. If you ask the girl to be your girlfriend and she says yes, the next thing you want to have with her is sex. You are about my second child’s age, and I cannot imagine her talking about the possibility of having a boyfriend let alone dating a guy. Only three things should be important to you and your age group right now, and that is education, education and education! So, please, stay away from that girl.