DOCTOR LOVE, please, I am in a serious dilemma. I won’t give you my real name but you can call me KB. I am presently engaged to a guy I have been dating for almost two years now. There is no doubt I love him very much. And he loves me too, possibly more than I love him. He can do practically anything just to make me happy. We are already planning to get married before the end of the year. The only issue is that he is not based in Lagos, he’s based in Abuja. He comes home once in a while and that’s when we get to spend time together. But we have been coping with the arrangement and already decided that shortly after the wedding, I will move down to join him in Abuja. And this is what gave my ex-boyfriend the opportunity to get into me. Around December last year, Kunle (that’s his name) was on my neck, asking me to come to pay him a harmless visit. It was a Friday. He said we should just hang out for old time’s sake. Kunle and I were so very close. His family knew me. Everyone knew how much I loved him. The only reason we broke up was that he was not ready for marriage. He said he wanted to make his millions first before settling down with a woman. And I was not getting any younger, so I moved on. Anyway, to cut the long story short, because it was a weekend, my fiancé was not around, I was bored silly, so I went to see him, thinking we will just eat, and drink at a restaurant, gist and we say good night. But Kunle was not planning on going out, he had cooked a great meal at home (he’s a fantastic cook). After the meal and the gist, somehow, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. Not only that, I ended up spending the night with him and was still with him till Saturday afternoon when my fiancé gave me a surprise call that he was in Lagos briefly and wanted me to come to spend the night with him as he was leaving Sunday afternoon back to Abuja. Pronto, I dashed into Kunle’s bathroom, took a quick shower and dashed out of his apartment. The guy was just looking at me like I had gone mad or something. He couldn’t understand. I love my man so, so much. What I did with him was a mistake that shouldn’t have happened. Thankfully, my man did not suspect anything and we had sex all through the night. Now, last January, I missed my period but I ignored it, thinking it would come. It didn’t. Last month, I did a pregnancy test which confirmed I am 2 months pregnant. I have been very worried ever since because something tells me it might belong to Kunle and not my man even though I had sex with both of them the same weekend. My fiance does not know yet that I am pregnant but sooner or later, he will. What do I do, sir? I am so confused. If I keep the pregnancy and I later find out the baby belongs to Kunle, how will I wriggle out of it if my husband finds out? And even if my husband never finds out, how will I deal with my conscience knowing the child he calls his own does not belong to him? Please, help me, I cannot even discuss this with anybody else, not even my best friend. For God’s sake, don’t let my number show o!
MY DEAR KB, as they say in Lagos, you don enter one chance! You walked right into a trap the devil set for you with your eyes wide open, and in this case, that devil is Kunle. How do you hope to handle this issue now? From what you have explained, it’s like this is the first time you will be getting pregnant since you began dating your fiancé. This means there is every likelihood the pregnancy actually belongs to that your sharp boyfriend, Kunle. See, to be honest, this is a tough one. In my head, I know exactly what to tell you to do, but I don’t know if it’s appropriate to spill it out for you right here on the pages of a magazine. We need to talk on the phone. There are questions I need to ask you and your answers will guide me as to what form of advice I will give to you. Please, let us talk on the phone. Having said that, my people in Yoruba would say, ‘nkan tio da, ko da na ni,’ meaning, ‘what’s bad has no other name, it is bad!’ You shouldn’t have gone hanging out with your ex, especially one you know still has some emotional hold over you. What if this whole mess of yours boomerangs and your man finds out you’ve been messing with your ex behind his back, do you think that wedding you so desperately want would still hold? Not to talk of the shame and pain that would follow its cancellation? Anyway, once you get this message, put a call through to me or better still, send a WhatsApp message introducing yourself so I know who am relating with. Take care of yourself.
HELLO DOCTOR LOVE, please, I need your help. I am 30 years old and I am about to get married within the next couple of months. The man I want to marry is a good man but I never really loved him the way I loved the guy to who I actually thought I was going to get married. I dated the guy I thought I would marry for about two years while we were in the same university. He was also trying to see if he could travel out of the country at the time. Somehow, he got lucky and travelled to Canada. He promised he would keep in touch with me and make arrangements to have me join him once he is able to settle down and make good money. But that was the last I heard from him. I wept for weeks after he left. For six years I waited for him, hoping someday he would show up but he never did. And after much pressure from my parents to settle down, I finally met someone early this year and agreed to marry him. He is rich. But it’s not the money, I have a very good job with MTN too. But I just couldn’t wait any longer. Then, three weeks ago, I got a call while at work, it was Steve, he’d gotten my contact through a friend of mine he reached via Facebook. He is back in Nigeria. We got to meet and he apologized for not reaching me all these years, he ran into trouble shortly after he got to Canada and lost all contacts. Now, he’s made good money and he’s come back for me. He wants to marry me. I am so confused right now, Doctor Love because I still love him very much. I have been crying ever since because I don’t know how to tell my fiancée or family that I don’t want to go ahead with the wedding. Please, what do I do? Please don’t show my number (sorry I didn’t include my name for obvious reasons).
WOW!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. This sounds like something from a movie script. My dear, I do not envy you at all. This is a serious situation you have on your hands. But I think you need to be careful. Hastily thinking of calling off your wedding just because a guy you once loved, whom you haven’t seen in years has returned to you is not entirely rational. Is this guy the same guy you fell in love with years ago? How sure are you that some fundamental things have not changed about him since the last time you saw him? How sure are you he will still make a good husband? Personally, I think it’s such a huge risk to take, calling off your wedding for him. But my head also tells me that, even if you don’t marry the guy you love, at the end of the day, few weeks into your wedding, you might find yourself running back into his arms because your heart will always be with him. You have to pray and seek God’s direction in this. And if your heart keeps telling you to go for the man you truly love, then perhaps you should begin by speaking with your family, letting them know that there is a big problem and you need their help. Trust me, it’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be a very rough road for you. I can only hope that your love for Steve will carry you through. Good luck.
GOOD DAY, DOCTOR LOVE, how are you? Please, I need your help, sir. My name is Ejiro, I am 24 years old and a virgin. I have been dating my present boyfriend for about 6 months now. He says he wants to marry me and has been asking me for sex for a while now. I have told him repeatedly that I do not intend to have sex and break my virginity until after my wedding. But now, he’s saying he wants to be sure I’m a virgin before proposing to me and the only way he can confirm that is that having sex with me. I am confused, sir, what do you think I should do? I really love this guy and would love to be his wife.
TO BE HONEST, EJIRO, I don’t like the look of this. This doesn’t sound right to me at all. Why would a guy who’s serious about marrying you insist on having sex with you to confirm your virginity before marrying you? It does not look or sound right to me. To begin with, how sure are you that this guy really loves you? What have you seen? What has he done to convince you he’s being honest with you? Are you he will marry you even if you give him what he wants? Sincerely, I don’t think he’s been sincere with you. My advice is that you do not give him the sex he’s asking for. If he really and truly loves you, he will not be asking for sex before he can marry you. Tell him you’re not interested in the deal he’s offering you. If he wants to marry you, he should go ahead and do so if he genuinely loves you. Marriage should not be a bargain for sex. Quite frankly, this whole sex before marriage thing looks dubious to me. It would’ve been better if had simply said he can’t wait till after he gets married to you, that he wants to see what he’s ‘buying’ here and now. But to say he wants to be sure you’re a virgin just doesn’t cut it for me. Be careful with this guy, Ejiro, be very careful.
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