DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, My name is Anna. I have this guy I have been dating for some time now. He cares about me a great deal. He showers gifts and money on me and gives me everything I ask for. Even my friends like him because he spoils them silly anytime he comes around. He also helps me take care of my parents and has assured me that once I get married to him, he will show me much more love than he is showing me right now. He is a building contractor and a very hardworking guy too but the problem is that I don’t really love this guy. He is a good man, he never likes to see me sad or unhappy, but still, he doesn’t excite me the way I want my man to excite me. Perhaps it’s because he is not as educated as I am or because he is not as tall as I would love my man to be tall; I just don’t know what it is, but I still don’t feel him like I should. Please, help me Doctor Love, what do I do, this guy is serious about marrying me!
DEAR ANNA, I always ask that people should indicate their age when they send in their requests. This helps to understand the mindset of the sender of the message and have a clear picture of the indices behind their decisions, positions or choices as the cases may be. Having read through your message, I could tell that you’re probably still in your early or mid 20s. I say this because it’s usually ladies in that age bracket that still live under this illusion that they can possibly find everything they want in a man in the guy they want to settle down. The older ladies no longer see things that way. Yes, some have been lucky, they found themselves their dream man. But often always, it doesn’t turn out that way for every woman. And, sometimes, when you stick to your guns and say it must be your Prince Charming or nothing, you suddenly wake up one morning and realize that time has flown past and the marital world is leaving you behind. This is why I said the older ladies, after a while, begin to see things differently. You are very lucky but you do not seem to realize it yet. Do you know how many women reading this would wish they were in your position right now? Even among your friends, do you know how many of them will be wishing they met the guy before you did and will be praying something goes wrong between both of you so they can come in to replace you? While I am not trying to ask you to settle for a man you don’t love, all I am saying is that you give it time and you may come to realize and appreciate the kind of gem you have in your hands. If you ask me, since you have not said the guy has some really serious issues that could call for concern, and he has proven beyond reasonable doubts that he sincerely loves you, I think you should allow the relationship grow and blossom. Why would you want to throw away certainty for uncertainty? Do you know the kind of baggage the next guy could bring in if you throw this one away? Think about it, Anna. And please be very careful not to make a hasty decision.
HELP!! MY BABE IS TOO MATERIALISTIC
DOCTOR LOVE, please, I need you to advice me on my relationship with the girl am presently dating. We have only been together for about a year. She’s 23 while am 27. She’s just about to graduate while am already working. I love this girl. I really care about her, but I don’t know if she feels same way about me. I have a feeling that she is more concerned about the things she gets from me than what she brings into the relationship. She is always demanding for one thing or the other. And once I fail to give her something that I promised to give her on the day I said I would give it to her, all hell will be let lose. I really love her but this attitude of hers really worries me..
MY BROTHER, to be candid with you, you have a serious problem on your hands. Your babe is highly materialistic and this will continue to affect your relationship with her until things will start to fall apart between you two. Now, I am not advocating that you shouldn’t spend money on your woman or that the babe has no right asking you for money, that’s not my point. Truth is, it’s your responsibility to take care of her, especially if she lacks the financial capability to take care of herself. But her demands must be done in moderation.
She must not over stretch you to a point where you have to spend beyond your means just to keep her happy. Any relationship that is centered on how much money the guy can spend to keep the lady happy is surely bound to hit the rocks at some point. Let your babe know she is stretching you beyond your limits. Let her know you’re not happy that she is not putting in enough of devotion into the relation, rather she’s just been concentrating on getting from you all the time. Do not be scared that she might threaten to break up with you, if she really cares about you, she will remain with you. But if she’s been fooling you all this while, then she certainly was never meant to be yours. Let her go. It is better you experience a broken relationship with her than a broken marriage.
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