•Wives In LAGOS, FCT & OGUN Confess
Lagos, FCT and Ogun residents just experienced the 14 days lockdown due to COVID 19 pandemic and some couples are telling a sweet story of the situation. Whether couples like it or not, this lockdown has made them stay together.
For many couples, lockdown is a period that reveals the true side of their spouses.While some appreciate the opportunity to spend time with their spouses and children, many, especially women, are weighed down from the pressures of childcare without support and from imbalances in household responsibilities.
According to some renowned psychologists, they noted that the coronavirus crisis is putting all relationships to the test, from home-working couples juggling emails and childcare to unattached friends trying to offer mutual support remotely, at a time when many without partners feel more single than ever.
But some have really thrown themselves in at the deep end and are navigating the “new normal” with people they’ve never previously lived with or have only just met. Some have called the trend “corona cuffing”, others are dubbing these couples “coronnials”.
As a commonly practised precautionary measure the world over, everyone among other things, required to stay at home at this period and as this happens, couples are trying to find better conflict resolution mechanisms and ways of not stepping on each other’s toes.
When left with nowhere to go, as the lockdown dictates, couples lose space to breathe from unresolved issues that may have long been plaguing their relationships.This period will also bring up new issues you may have never known existed as they were hidden by your rhythm of being together after work and apart by day.
Being in each other’s face day and night, couples are most likely left without any of the back doors through which they usually escape from unpleasant situations.
The back doors would typically be high commitment to work, studies, church activities, visiting friends and family. Unable to avoid the problems any more, couples may typically run headlong into them and the results are pretty much what you’d expect.
Relationships across the world especially Nigeria are facing unprecedented stress amid the COVID-19 pandemic. Anxiety, fear and the inescapable close quarters of mandated social distancing or shelter-in-place ordinances are bringing new challenges, especially to those relationships who were are already on rickety bridges.
To add to this already heavy list of worries, many couples aren’t used to spending so much time at home every day with their partner, even when a crisis isn’t in the mix.Couples thrive when there’s a healthy balance between time spent together and time spent apart. However, due to the COVID-19 lock down, creating separate spaces is now more difficult than ever.
According to The Global Times, the surge in divorce appointments was the result of the pandemic causing couples to be “bound with each other at home for over a month” and it created conflict and the desire for impulsive divorces.
Relationships with a strong foundation will survive and may even flourish, whereas those characterized by poor negotiation skills, destructive communication and lack of appreciation are more likely to buckle under the stress.”
When President Muhammadu Buhari ordered residents of Lagos, Ogun, and Abuja to stay at home for 14 days to curb the spread of the Coronavirus pandemic, many people, especially couples, knew they had a lot of adjusting to do.Adjusting to a new ‘lockdown life’ comes with a price to pay but one of the most concerning is the economic burden of staying put without recourse to work or income.
This is perhaps the most gruesome reality they now have to deal with.But, of more concern is the underlying fear of the unknown—how to make it through the pandemic and the lockdown.many couples have shared many of their experiences publicly.
In the article gathered from Premium Times,
For MrAbubakar, rediscovering new things about his wife through the great time being spent together gives him joy beyond words.Not only has he been able to brainstorm about future plans with his wife during the time, but he has also found a new side of himself— ‘being extremely playful.’
For Idris Oladipo, 32, the stay-at-home order has provided time to discuss pertinent personal issues with his wife which has kept their relationship waxing stronger every day.”It has kept the relationship cordial and we fight new fights, learn new lessons and get stronger and happier together,” he said.
No doubt, the stay-at-home period is a blessing for family bonding.
As the head of Digital Innovation, Skool Media, in the commercial city of Lagos, he often finds it hard to have a family moment at home in the day because he returns home late at night. Though a native of Ibadan,
MrOladipo has been working in Lagos since 2013; he got married four years ago and now has a kid.
“For many of us, we ordinarily wouldn’t have been able to spend some beautiful time with our family when we spend the bulk of our hours at work and on busy Lagos roads.
“The stay at home allows us more time with the family, husbands can get more intimate with their wives and children, this time – no welcoming of guest(s), no partying.
“We can have some fun time with our daughter, have good conversations, tell stories and tales, crack some jokes and yet teach her valuable life lessons,” he said.
Asked how the period has impacted his marriage, he said, “I now pay closer attention to domestic issues especially those that have to do with my daughter.”’I help with chores’
Naturally, most women enjoy seeing their husbands—now homebound—assist with house chores so as to make them see how much domestic work they do.This is not uncommon to see in the homes of recently wedded couples.However, the shelter-place period is seemingly bringing new sides of couples regardless of how long they have been married.
For Saheed Ademola, 26, assisting his wife with some house chores is no big deal but a gesture of love.”As a businessman in Lagos, I hate that I don’t have enough time to assist with domestic work.
But now that I have the opportunity to partake in it, I must assist her,” he said. This effort is also mirrored by some married men. For Shakirat Adetona, 34, a Quantity Surveyor, sharing chores with her husband has reduced her workload, which was divided between working from home and taking care of the family.
“It is not easy working from home when you have a kid to look after but my husband has been helpful in sharing chores with me. He is trying his best on this,” she said. “My husband helps sometimes but not for long,” another respondent, Temilola Andrew, told Premium Times.
But for MrAbubakar, he wouldn’t assist in doing domestic work because “I’m lazy in that area and we have a house help.”’I cook, babysit’. Like many who spoke with PREMIUM TIMES, Poto Rahman believed the stay-at-home order has helped family bonding and enriched spousal relationships”.
According to the Eagle Online, “Some housewives in Ilorin, the Kwara State capital, have described the stay-at-home order by the state government as a blessing in disguise.
The housewives, who spoke with the News Agency of Nigeria penultimate Friday, said with the order, they now had family bonding time, which they had hitherto been denied by school and work.One of the women, DoyinJaiyeola, said her husband now spent more time with the children and related more with them.
Jaiyeola said though it was not easy staying at home with the kids without having anywhere to go, her husband now understood the children and their needs. Another resident, Fatima Ahmed, said her husband now appreciated her more than before.
Ahmed said: “Now my husband knows what it means to take care of the house, the children and also keep the house in order. “He appreciates me more now because he used to think that house work was a child’s play since he was not always around.”But now that he is seeing things for himself, he complains less.
“So, I think the stay-at-home order is helping to rebuild families.” On her part, Dorcas Philip, said her husband now helped her with house chores, which he always found difficult to do before. Phillip said her husband now is of the position that he could not stand her doing everything in the house without giving a helping hand.
She said: “He said he couldn’t watch me doing all things by myself, so he is now helping out.
“But before now, he didn’t even know what I usually did in the house.” In the midst of this lockdown, it has surely helped some couples mend their marriage while it has also tore some apart as they were not used to spending times together thereby exhibiting new behaviors leading to fight and chaos.