Nkoyo Daniel is an Efik born Calabar advocate of Plus Size Ladies in Nigeria. On Monday 16th of July, 2018 she visited City People Magazine Office in Port Harcourt.
City People Bureau Chief, EMEKA AMAEFULA – (08111813069) received this delectable plus size lady. She is a model, and Publisher of Toosh Delight, a special magazine for Plus Size ladies.
During her visit, Nkoyo Nse Daniel spoke about how Plus Size Ladies should have self-confidence in themselves and regularly have exercises for healthy living while taking their love life to a higher level unimaginable and enviable of everyone around them. Excerpts.
What do you do for a living?
I am Editor-In-Chief of Toosh Delight magazine a Plus Size Ladies’ special interest magazine and I am On-Air-Personality – OAP in Canaan City 99.5 Fm Station – Calabar where I am running a Show called “Plus Sisters”.
Why do you take special interest in Plus Size ladies?
It is because I am a Plus Size Lady. I have never been slim and I don’t really know what it feels to be slim. I have been big right from birth. I have this group where I notice that a lot of plus size women have lost their confidence because of the society so I am trying to build confidence in plus size women.
When actually did you start this advocacy for plus size women?
I have had this dream for a while but I came up with Toosh Delight Magazine and I called it life of a Plus size woman last year November when Toosh Delight Magazine was published. And The Plus Sisters just started few weeks back.
Let us look at the Plus Size woman and the loss of confidence. How does it all start?
It starts from your home; you know a lot of parents when their kids are growing up as I have a situation at hands right now when one of my friends told me that her grand mum told her that she can’t find love. You know they give us this mindset that when you are big in physique you can’t find love. When you are big you are lazy. That is when you are big you are unhealthy, you are untidy. They believe that the plus size women are lazy people. But if you look at Nigeria today, a lot of Plus size women are entrepreneurs. They are fighting hard and they are struggling hard to be independent and to gain confidence. So, I think all these started from the home as parents with the name calling, the body shaming such as Orobo, which is how it all started. And you know a lot of Plus size women too, because of this name calling they have lost their self-esteem as there are no self-confidence, they cannot even go out. Hardly have you seen a plus size woman go out alone. She is always in the company of some other person just to gain confidence.
With your advocacy for acceptance of plus size women in the society, what has been the result so far?
Oh, it has been tremendous because if you go to every state now there is a plus size women group and on the internet you will see that there are a lot of Plus size women are willing to talk. The first solution to a problem is to identify the problem. So, now I have been able to identify that low self-confidence, low self esteem. So, I am giving them the opportunity to speak out. When you speak out you break loose. So, I think so far so, so well. It has been a nice one.
Let us look at the issue of men who don’t like or fall in love with plus size women, what is your message to them?
If I must tell you the truth they are afraid of the plus size women this is because a typical African woman is a plus size. So, when your man starts telling you “I don’t like this or I don’t like that” make them go out of their way to reduce weight as most of them do it not because they are happy as a lot of them just want to do it and keep to shape because this is what their husband actually really likes and it doesn’t make her happy. They go to the Gym; they do not eat what they like. They try to watch their diet. This is because the truths remains that if you keep a slim woman and give her food and make her happy she is going to put on weight. It is normal. So, what they do is they now try to fight this additional weight and it is not because they are really not plus size. It is because they are fighting their weight.
We have a situation in Nigeria where one of ex President Olusegun Obasanjo’s sons divorced a plus size woman that he got married to after one year without fulfilling his conjugal rights and obligations as alleged because he doesn’t like a plus size woman, is that what plus size women should go through?.
I think that is his lost because he doesn’t know what he has lost. Do you know what it means to get married to a Plus size woman? Ah! the Love handle as when you are sleeping you cuddle …oh ! Really he truly lost. He doesn’t know what he is missing.
For marriage and relationship for plus size ladies, it is becoming a trend as most plus size ladies marry slim men. Why is it so?
It is really good. For marriage and relationship for plus size ladies, there are so many men dying for plus size women. But that is a serious problem for plus size ladies as most men are shying away from marrying plus size women. A lot of plus size women are crying and screaming that they don’t have relationships. There is something about the men as they date the plus size women and go on a fling with them but when it comes to marriage they will go for the slim ones. So, that is a very serious problem in the plus size world. We are trying to tackle that and we want them to tell us the reasons why you will see a man dating a plus size woman and when it comes for marriage he will choose the slim ones. But after getting married to the slim girl the man will keep her at home and still go outside looking for the plus size ladies. So, the problem is why you don’t marry the plus size women keep her at home if that is what truly makes you happy. They know that their happiness lies on this and this is what they really but the society, our parents are pushing matters beyond limit. Like I have an issue where someone told me that she has to lose weight because she has to meet her in-law and her boyfriend said “My dear I am sorry you have to lose weight so that my mother won’t think that you are older than I am”.
So. Most plus size women you see when they actually find this guy that they really love they will try to lose weight in order to get to marry the guy. But if you allow a guy to love you for whom you are from the foundation to when you get married to him I don’t think that you will have this issue of rejection and abandonment by your husband.
On the Plus Sisters’ group in the internet you will see a lot of plus size ladies telling you that they want to mingle. They are actually asking for relationships. In the Plus Sisters’ group I have a lot of inbox coming to me saying” Please can you introduce me to a plus size girl to get married to. But I am scared as I can’t do that as there are more men in the Plus Size Group in internet than the women. They are looking for plus size women but my fear is, are you looking for these plus size women for a serious relationship that is going to end in marriage or you are looking for them for fun…and for flings. What actually are you looking for them for? I think it is an African mentality. As I think that our men take more to what people will say and if you have a clique of friends…. I think for the men and feel bringing their girls and a slim one makes him look like a baby as everyone will say oh she is a babe and bringing the fat one makes her look like she is a Mama. What they now they intend to do to do is ‘they intend to listen their friends to the detriment of their own happiness. They are like ‘this is what my friends like let me marry this slim one so that I will whoa my friends’.
As you are championing the cause for plus size women using your magazine Toosh Delight, using the Canaan City 99.5Fm station Calabar in Cross River state, what are the other channels that you are using for this advocacy for plus size women?
We are in the internet as we try to build confidence and most times we do it through photo shoot where we have Plus size ladies come out dressing beautifully and going on photo shoot. I mean those don’ts of plus size women. We are trying to let the public know that you can be big and do the don’ts. I grew up knowing that a plus size woman is not supposed to wear bright colours. Hey No….No. We wear all of that now as we are trying to change people’s mindset about the plus size ladies as you can actually do anything you comfortable with.
Are there other activities such as beauty pageant that you have organized for plus size women?
I am actually working on that as I am thinking about having a run-way show during my first anniversary for Toosh Delight magazine. I am thinking about an avenue to bring all plus size women together and let us do this run way show. I want this event that I am going to bring all the plus size women in one hall. We are going to show the world what we are made of.
How about the plus size ladies finding it difficult to get tailors to make their dresses and getting their sizes done well, how about this?
The Plus Size woman being afraid of going to the tailor no…that is not true. This is because I really know that a lot of people don’t find sizes in the market. So, what they do is pick up the style and give it to our tailor to make your dress for you if you really like that style. I think Toosh Delight magazine is going to handle that as we are going to publish the list of Plus size tailors, tailors who can actually make good plus size outfits for the plus size people. Just make a call and give them your measurement and you are done.
In the traditional culture of the coastal people. Is the going into fattening room by young maidens before they get married a contributory factor for ladies being overweight nowadays?
I think that is my culture Efik that you are talking about here. Yes because we believe that in the Efik culture that we cannot give out our girls for marriage while being slim. That is why we go into the fattening room. So, when you told me about that former President’s son who divorced his wife because she is a plus size lady, it is his lost this is because in my culture we don’t marry our girls slim. We go into the Fattening Room as we believe that the bigger the better and the bigger the beautiful.
What is your message to plus size ladies out there?
My message to the plus size ladies out there is be confident, be sweet, be your best and be happy and be healthy. I am not promoting obesity that is why I am telling you to be healthy and do that thing that make you healthy check your blood pressure Bp, check your blood sugar level and exercise. You can do house chores just to keep your heart pumping. Just be healthy and make sure that you are 100 % happy. No-one else will make you feel less of yourself; carry yourself with confident and just go about your normal businesses.