Hello, dear Doctor Love, my name is Agnes. I am twenty-one years old and I am in a relationship with a guy that’s ten years older than me. We have been dating for over a year now, but within that one year, its been a mixture of pain and joy for me. One week, this guy is making me happy, the next few weeks that would follow, he is giving me heartaches. And the major problem is that he is a serial cheater. I have caught him cheating on me several times and all he does is beg for forgiveness afterwards. The last one he did hurt me the most – I just found out he’s been sleeping with one of my friends! And as usual, he is begging for forgiveness again. I love this guy, Wale. Maybe it’s because he’s the one who deflowered me about a year ago, or perhaps it’s something deeper than that, all I know is that I love him to bits. But sadly, he doesn’t feel same way about me, all he knows and wants is sex. What do I do now, Doctor Love? Please, do not publish my number.
Dear Agnes, I feel your pain. Reading through your mail, I could tell its coming from a lady who truly loves her man with all her heart. Sadly, you are loving the wrong kind of man. Lets face it, Agnes, this guy doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings. He is taking advantage of the fact that you’re in love with him. And to make matters worse, he’s a player, that’s something that’s too much for you to handle, considering that you’re still inexperienced when it comes to dealing with men. While you’re staying faithful to him, he’s hopping into bed with any skirt available, even if it’s your friend that’s wearing that skirt. The way I see it, if you have a pretty sister, don’t let her meet your man, otherwise……So, my piece of advice is this, give this guy a break. Stay away from him for some time and let him evaluate your relationship with him and be sure it’s you he wants or he still wants to sample every babe that comes his way. If you ask me, I’d say you simply walk away from the relationship, it’s obvious this guy will give you nothing but emotional pain. But because I know you love him like crazy, I won’t ask you to walk away. Just tell him to give you a break, allow you time to think and access the whole relationship. That way, you can also study him and see if he’s changed and ready to turn a new leaf. Best wishes.
Doctor Love, can you help me? I have a lady in my life whom I love so much, but the problem I’m having with the relationship is her ex! The guy simply will not let her be. He finds every reason to call her, to see her and even keeps in touch with my woman’s siblings and yet she says its over between them! What do I do, Wale, this situation is driving me crazy.
My brother, I can understand your fears. Everyone feels this way whenever an ex flame that should’ve been dead and buried suddenly makes a return and starts throwing spanners into the works for you. It can be really frustrating. But I’d like to think that it all boils down to the woman involved. If you trust her and she has her head screwed on tight to know that she’d be asking for trouble if she gives her ex too many liberties, then there’s nothing to worry about. It won’t be totally out of order though if you could also speak with your woman and let her know how uncomfortable with the situation, but be careful not to begin to show traits of a man that’s feeling terribly insecure. Most women don’t like that.. It might seem amusing and pleasing to them at first when they realize you actually love them enough to feel jealous over their closeness with a male friend. But when it begins to get out of hand, they start showing irritation. Once you’re certain to a large extent, all you need to do is talk about it and let her know how you feel.
Doctor Love, please, reply me urgently. I have been dating my man for three years now but his ex-girlfriend still wants him back. Although he says nothing will make him go back to her, I am not comfortable with the way they have been communicating on the phone, its getting too much for my comfort! Wale, I’m not happy, please, what should I do? My name is Peace from Port-Harcourt…..07031977…..
Dear Peace, I can understand your fears. This is an issue that, often times, rears its head between couples. I can only ask you to calm down and take things easy. If your man says he does not want to take his ex back, then you must believe him. You could also let him know your fears with his ex’s renewed interest in you. But do not push it too much, else he’ll begin to see you as a nag. Three years is enough time for you to know the kind of man you’re dating. If you know him well enough, you should be able to tell if he’s being sincere with you when he said there’s nothing going on between them. My advice is, until he proves otherwise, take your mind off the issue and concentrate on making your relationship with him even stronger.