I introduced Ms. Nikki to a friend of mine, Bobby last year. I told both of them I wanted them to date. It was that simple. Both were single. Bobby was searching, Nikki wasn’t really searching, but she liked the idea.
Bobby is tall, has a good physique and what I would call a kind face. As at last year, he was almost 60 but he looked very good for his age. Nikki, 52, had just started a new business and I knew she would need encouragement. So I told Bobby I was giving him an assignment: he was to guide her in the business and support her with publicity so she could grow. Deal.
I checked on them a few times to know how they were doing and the feedback was great. They were getting along well.
But that didn’t last. Nikki called me one day to say Bobby wasn’t answering her calls. She was disturbed.
What happened?
She said Bobby came to her shop as usual to support her. As they were talking, some gentlemen walked in and she whispered to him that he shouldn’t let those men know they were dating. Ha!
When I called Bobby, he narrated his side of the story and added other instances where she had disrespected him. He said she often shouted down the phone whenever he missed a call or two from her. She would be so upset that he would have to calm her down.
Bobby, like most men his age, wanted peace in his relationship more than anything else. He also want respect.
Bobby was ready to play his part – support her, be present and give love, but he wanted to be respected in the middle of it all.
Nikki didn’t see her actions as disrespect. To her, she was just being real. “That’s how I talk. He can’t change me.”
The relationship ended before it had a chance to grow.
Men, especially as they grow older, often desire more than romantic affection; they long for peace, stability and respect.
Love may warm the heart, but it is respect that steadies it. A man who has lived long enough understands the value of emotional calm. He wants a partner who speaks with consideration and values his presence. Once respect is missing, love alone begins to feel insufficient.
Peace and respect also strengthen love rather than replace it. When a man feels respected, he naturally gives more of himself – time, commitment, support and devotion.
Respect softens disagreements and preserves dignity, creating space for love to thrive.
Without respect, love becomes noisy; with it, relationships grow in quiet confidence.
(Adeola is a journalist, movie producer and the owner of Deo-Agoz Studio, Abuja).
