…But Don’t Want To Get Pregnant
For a growing number of women, the dream of motherhood remains alive. The fear is pregnancy itself. For generations, pregnancy has been described as one of the most beautiful experiences in a woman’s life. From baby showers to glowing maternity photos, society often celebrates the joy of carrying a child. But behind the smiles and picture-perfect moments is a reality many women say is rarely discussed openly.
Today, a growing number of young women are making a surprising confession… they want children but they do not want to experience pregnancy. Across social media platforms, podcasts, womens forums and even casual conversations among friends, more women are admitting that they are terrified of pregnancy. To them, that 9-month course is hellish. Some call it tokophobia which is the intense fear of pregnancy and childbirth. Others simply say they do not want to put their bodies through 9 months of physical, emotional and mental stress.
It is a conversation that was once considered taboo but is now becoming impossible to ignore. Many women say they grew up hearing about the beauty of motherhood but very little about what pregnancy could actually involve. Morning sickness that lasts all day, Months of vomiting, Extreme fatigue, Severe back pain, Swollen feet, Sleepless nights, High blood pressure, Gestational diabetes, Emergency caesarean sections, Postpartum depression and Long-term changes to the body.
For some women, pregnancy can also involve serious complications such as heavy bleeding, blood clots, stroke, pre-eclampsia, organ damage, permanent pelvic floor injuries, and, in rare cases, temporary or permanent vision problems caused by pregnancy-related conditions. Sadly, pregnancy and childbirth can also result in maternal death, especially where quality emergency healthcare is not available.
Many women say these are the stories they wish they had heard before adulthood. “I love children,” says a 28-year-old Lagos-based influencer. “But when I started reading about what pregnancy can actually do to the body, I became scared. It’s not the baby I fear. It’s everything that comes before and after.”
As more women openly discuss these fears, interest in alternatives is increasing. Women who can afford it are increasingly exploring options such as surrogacy for medical, personal or lifestyle reasons. Fertility treatments like IVF are also becoming more common among couples struggling to conceive, although IVF usually still involves the intended mother carrying the pregnancy unless a surrogate is used.
The growing conversations have led many observers to believe that if surrogacy and assisted reproductive options were far more affordable and widely available, more women would likely consider them. However, cost, legal restrictions, cultural beliefs and personal choice still place these options beyond the reach of many families.
Perhaps one of the biggest shifts is not coming from Gen Z or Millennials alone. Many older women mothers and grandmothers who have experienced pregnancy themselves—m are now offering advice that would have shocked previous generations. “You don’t have to have children because society expects it.” “Know exactly what you’re signing up for.” “Motherhood is a choice, not an obligation.”
Some women who endured traumatic pregnancies say they wish they had received honest information before becoming mothers. Others insist they would still choose motherhood despite the hardship but believe younger women deserve transparency rather than pressure. Things like blindness, death and so much more can happen during pregnancy. This change reflects a broader cultural shift. Instead of romanticising pregnancy, more women are encouraging informed decision-making.
Platforms like TikTok, Instagram and YouTube have also changed the conversation. Instead of only posting newborn photos, many mothers now document the difficult realities of pregnancy and childbirth. They discuss emergency surgeries. Hospital complications, Birth trauma, Postpartum depression, Stretch marks, Hair loss, Incontinence, Mental health struggles.
The physical recovery that can last months or even years. For many young women, these stories are their first honest education about pregnancy. While some viewers appreciate the transparency, others admit the content has made them even more anxious about becoming pregnant.
Experts say today’s women are making reproductive decisions differently from previous generations. Many are marrying later. Building careers first. Considering their financial stability. Thinking carefully about their physical and mental health. Questioning traditional expectations.
Unlike previous generations, many no longer see pregnancy as something they simply have to endure. Instead, they ask questions like . Is motherhood right for me. Am I emotionally ready. Do I understand the risks. Can my body handle pregnancy. If there were another safe option, would I choose it. These questions are becoming increasingly common.
In Nigeria, these conversations remain complicated. Family members often expect couples to have children soon after marriage. Women who delay pregnancy or openly admit they do not want to become pregnant may face criticism, religious pressure or accusations of selfishness.
Yet healthcare professionals continue to stress the importance of improving maternal healthcare. Nigeria has one of the world’s highest maternal mortality rates, and expanding access to quality antenatal care, skilled birth attendants and emergency obstetric services remains essential for protecting mothers and babies.
For many women, acknowledging the risks of pregnancy is not a rejection of motherhood. Rather, it is a call for safer healthcare, better information and greater respect for women’s choices.
Wanting children has not changed. What is changing is how women think about becoming mothers. For many, the issue is no longer whether they want a family. It is whether they are willing or able to experience pregnancy itself.
As conversations become more honest, one message is emerging above all others motherhood should be a choice made with full knowledge of both its joys and its challenges. And perhaps that honesty is long overdue.
BY MAHA PRECIOUS
